


Sea Breeze and Citrus

by foreverinfiction



Series: Lavender and Lilies Stories [1]
Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:00:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27193459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinfiction/pseuds/foreverinfiction
Summary: Short Will and Tessa story early in their marriage. First chapter is somewhat angsty. Second chapter is smut. Similar line to my story Lavender and Lilies.
Relationships: Jem Carstairs & Will Herondale, Jem Carstairs/Tessa Gray, Jem Carstairs/Tessa Gray/Will Herondale, Tessa Gray/Will Herondale
Series: Lavender and Lilies Stories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985132
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter One

Will was not expecting the vase to be hurled at him when he opened the door to the music room. He had knocked, so he knew he had not surprised his wife, and yet she looked startled at him standing in the door frame. He looked at the shattered ceramic on the floor and the scratched wallpaper before raising his eyebrows at her. 

“You’ve got great aim,” said Gabriel, who Will hadn’t seen standing by the window. Tessa quirked a smile, and Gabriel smiled back at her. “I trust you’re alright if I leave now?” he asked. Tessa nodded and Gabriel gave Will a small smile as he passed. 

Will looked back at his wife. Her cheeks were flushed. Her hair was beginning to come undone. Small, crescent-shaped imprints marked her palm from where her nails had bitten into her skin. “Was the vase meant for me?” Will asked, the corner of his lip pulling up in a smirk. “I’ll have you know that a few scars would only improve my dashing looks.” 

“I thought you were supposed to be in Idris until tomorrow afternoon,” Tessa said. Her tone was somber, serious. She looked at him as his silence continued. 

He frowned. “I, I thought—” he stammered. “Charlotte and I finished earlier than we expected. Ashdown got the texts we needed much faster than we had anticipated, so she sent me home early.” Then his heart sank. She looked disheveled. Gabriel’s shirt had been wrinkled and askew. She was unhappy to have him home early and startled by the knock and the door opening. He looked towards the window, trying to drive his mind away from that image, of his wife doing things with his brother-in-law that he did not want to imagine. He forced himself to look back at her. “Is there a reason I should have waited?” he asked. He tried to keep his heartbreak out of his tone, and by some grace of God, he prevented his voice from cracking. 

Tessa studied him. “You—” she started. “You think I am having an affair with Gabriel?” It was something he loved about her, her ability to read what he was thinking simply by looking at his face. He expected Tessa to comfort him, to assure him that he was being silly, to provide him with a reasonable explanation that he had clearly missed. Instead, she started yelling. “How could you think such a thing of me?” she said. “How could you think that I would betray you? I know I am not exactly the high-society Shadowhunter that everyone wished you had married, but I did not believe that you thought so little of me.” 

Will stood, stunned. He wasn’t anticipating her to be outraged. “High-society Shadowhunter?” he shot back. “How could you think that I would want anyone but you? I married you, Tess, because I love you. No one that matters wishes anything than that for us.” 

“But—” she started and then looked away. 

Will’s temper ran away with him. “But, what?!” He yelled. “Do you wish to no longer be married? If you would prefer someone else, then I could have the divorce papers ready before morning.” It was too far. He knew that as soon as the words left his mouth. “Tess,” he said, softly.

She pushed past him as she left the room, tears staining her cheeks. He let her pass. He leaned against the doorframe and ran his hand through his hair. He sighed. Confusion ran through him. He wasn’t even sure why they had been fighting. He crossed the room, pouring himself a glass of port before sitting in the armchair next to the fire. It was the beginning of February and snow-frosted the window as Will stared out at the grey sky. In the late evening, the grey nearly matched Tessa’s eyes. He sipped his wine as he thought about what had happened. He never should have brought up divorce. They rarely fought, and when they did, divorce was a line that neither of them crossed, not even as a teasing suggestion or an outburst of frustration. Never. He should never have said it. Will sighed and set his glass down on the table. He would give her a moment to calm down, give himself a moment to calm down, and then he would go apologize. Just a moment.

* * *

Tessa wasn’t sure where she was walking. She just needed out. Out of the music room. Out of the argument. Just out. She felt as if she was suffocating. Pushing the door open to the back courtyard, she welcomed the cold burst of air. She forced herself to slow down, to breathe. She gasped in air and leaned against the wall. She shouldn’t have been so angry towards Will. He had done nothing wrong. She just couldn’t bring herself to tell him why she was so upset. He would be so disappointed in her. He would hide his emotions away, his sadness, his frustration. He would wear a mask, would tell her they would try again. 

Today marked three years since they had started trying for a child. It also was the thirty-sixth time Jem had informed her that she was without child. Today was also the first time that Will had ever mentioned divorce. He could easily find someone else. He was charming and handsome. He was the head of the London Institute. He had redeemed himself from his reputation as drunk and careless. Now, he was regarded as a leader, albeit a little young, but an excellent strategist and writer. No one would blame him for divorcing her. All he needed to say was that she had proven herself, time and time again, unable to give him a child. Everyone would empathize with him, saying his marriage to her was a product of youthful hope and ignorance. 

Will’s mother, Linette, would be disappointed by her inability to conceive a child. Each time they had snuck away to see her, she made sure that Tessa knew the Welsh lullabies that she had sung to her children. She taught Tessa the basics of cooking, of holding a child, of knowing when one was with child. “None of that silly Shadowhunter nonsense,” she had told Tessa once while they had sat at the table in the kitchen, surrounded by flour and sugar and spices. “Everyone should know how to make a basic dough. I taught William, but he had a tendency of setting things on fire.” 

Tessa sobbed and subconsciously wrapped her hand around the jade pendant that she wore. She was going too far. She knew that, but she couldn’t stop the horrible thoughts from coming. She imagined Will wrapped up with another woman, tangled in the pale green sheets on their bed. She sobbed again, and a soft hand wrapped around hers. She turned and saw Cecily standing by her. 

Tessa quickly brushed away her tears. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t know—”

“It’s alright,” Cecily said. “I just thought you might like some company.” She held up a blanket and a small picnic basket. 

Tessa shook her head. “It’s too cold out here,” she said. “You and Anna—” 

“Will be just fine,” Cecily said, cutting her off. “In fact, the cold is much better than the sweltering heat of the infirmary. Jem approved and everything.”

“Jem did?” Tessa asked, surprised. She had thought he had left. 

Cecily nodded and pulled Tessa over to a bench that was protected slightly from the snow by the oak tree overhead. “He helped me make the cider.” 

Tessa sat and helped Cecily sit down. She was heavily pregnant with her first child, only two months from when the Silent Brothers had said she was due. Cecily handed her the blanket and Tessa wrapped it around the both of them as Cecily pulled a teapot and two cups out of the basket. 

“ _If_ ,” Cecily started to stay. “If you and my brother choose to divorce, I will be buying you a fancy flat above a bookstore. And you will still be an aunt to my child. And I will still be expecting you at our weekly dinners at Somerton’s.”

Tessa looked at Cecily. “How—”

“You and Will never yell. Jem and I came running when we heard you. We thought there was some threat.” She handed Tessa a mug of cider. “I only heard the very last bit, but you need to know that you will still have a home here, even if you divorce Will.”

Tessa leaned into Cecily. “Do you think he wishes to leave me?” Tessa asked. 

“No,” Cecily said definitively. “He would give up everything else in the world before he would ever leave you.”

Tessa nodded. “He wants children,” she said. 

Cecily gave her a small smile. “But so do you, Tessa. The pain of not conceiving is not just his. It is yours as well.” She set down her cider so that she could hold Tessa’s hand. “I know you blame yourself, but you do not know that the problem is yours. It could be an issue with Will, or it could not be a problem at all. Three years really isn’t that long to be trying.”

Tessa sighed. “You were pregnant within a few months of being married. Sophie was pregnant within the year.”

“And Charlotte and Henry were married for eight years before they conceived Charles,” Cecily countered. “My point is,” Cecily said. “I know this is hard for both you and Will. I know that the Enclave has taunted you and placed immense pressure on you to conceive, but it is not a guarantee that you will not bear a child. You should not allow it to drive a wall between you and Will.”

Tessa nodded. “I know,” she said. And she did. Cecily’s words helped lessen the weight she felt crushing her. 

“You should know,” Cecily said. “I wrote to my mother this afternoon about Anna, so she should stop pestering you and Will for a while. Hopefully, she will give you a bit of a reprieve before she starts asking for more grandchildren.”

Tessa laughed. She leaned into Cecily. “Thank you,” she said, and she meant it. Not just for writing to her mother, not for the cider, but for being a friend to Tessa. 

* * *

_You are a fool, William Herondale_ , a voice said, waking Will up from his nap. 

“James,” he said, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. His voice was groggy. “I didn’t realize you were here. Do you care to elaborate on why you believe me to be a fool or are you simply here to taunt me for old time’s sake?”

 _I spent the morning with Tessa_ , Jem said. _I went with her to the shadow market to restock her supply of vitex and cinnamon_. 

“Her what?” Will asked. 

Jem came to sit in the chair opposite him. _She has been taking the mixture daily for the past two months because she read somewhere that they aided in fertility_ . _She has endured terrible headaches from them, but she persisted because she wished to conceive a child with you._

Will frowned. “She never told me,” he said. “I never even knew she was taking anything, let alone suffering from headaches.”

_She wanted to wait to tell you until after she knew she was with child. She did not want to give you false hope. And this morning, I told her that the treatment was unsuccessful._

Will sighed. It was the same story. “I knew that she went to see you on occasion to check, but I had no idea she was going today.”

 _Every month,_ Jem corrected. _She has seen me every month, like clockwork. And every month I have sent her away with the news that she does not wish to hear. But today, I offered to go to the Shadow Market with her to see if perhaps there was some other herb that could help her. Or at least reduce her headaches._

Will nodded, unsure of where Jem was going with this story. 

_While we were there, Lillian Pounceby saw Tessa purchasing the herbs and commented that even the strongest of herbs would not make a warlock anything more than a horrible mother, that warlocks are barren for a reason._ Will clenched his fists. How dare she say such a terrible thing? He felt his blood start to boil, but Jem interrupted his thoughts.

_I am not telling you so that you seek revenge, William_ , he continued. _I am telling you because Tessa did not quip anything back. She did not stand tall and walk away as you or I would have expected. Instead, she shrunk, slipping away from Lillian and her friends. And when Tatiana caught word, she came by the Institute to echo Lilian’s sentiments. Gabriel had to physically drag his sister out of the Institute to stop her comments before he returned to comfort Tessa. She did not yell at you today because she was upset that you returned early. She felt isolated and embarrassed and worried that you would leave her because she has been unable to conceive._

Will frowned. “I would never!” he shouted. “You know—”

 _I do know that, William,_ Jem said. _But Tessa is doubting that. She feels as if you will regret marrying her, that you will wish to be with someone else who could more easily give you a child_.

“I have to talk to her,” he said, standing up. “She—”

 _She needs to sleep, Will_ , Jem interrupted. _Cecily is with her now, but she needs to rest, to let her body recover from the stress. Speak with her in the morning._

And with that, Jem stood and left. Will was left staring after him. 

* * *

“Tess, love, wake up,” Will said gently. He was sitting on the edge of their bed. He brushed her hair away from her face. “Tess,” he said. “Please wake up.”

She stirred and looked up at him. “What time is it?” she asked, sitting up. She pulled the heavy quilt up around her, covering herself. Will tried to not let it get to him. 

“Just before seven,” he answered. 

Tessa frowned at him. “Why did you wake me up then? Is there some urgent meeting?”

“No—” Will started. 

Tessa started to turn away from him and lay back down. “Then I am going back to sleep.”

“Tess,” Will said. “Will you trust me please? I am not trying to deprive you of sleep. You can sleep on the way.”

“On the way to where?” She asked, and then continued before Will could answer. “I truly do not feel like going on some secret adventure with you, William. You can go without me.”

Will felt his heart start to break. “Please, Tess. If you hate it, we can turn around and come home, but please let me show you first.” 

She studied him. He felt self-conscious. He hadn’t slept the night before. He was sure his shirt was wrinkled and that his hair was in disarray. There also probably was an ink stain on his cheek from where he had accidentally wiped his hand while writing a letter. “You didn’t come to bed last night,” she said finally. Will nodded. “Because you were angry with me.” It was a short statement and she was watching his reaction closely. 

“No,” he said desperately. “Not because I was angry. Jem said you needed to sleep, and I thought you might want the space to yourself.”

Tessa watched him with a frown. “You threatened divorce last night, William,” she said. 

“I know,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “I know, and it was unforgivable, but please let me try.” She watched him a moment longer, and he felt a knot form in his stomach. “Please, Tess. Please trust me.”

Finally, she sighed. “What do I need to wear for this adventure of yours?” she asked. Will grinned and forced himself to breathe. She was giving him a chance. That was all he needed. Just a chance.

* * *

Tessa had made him bathe and wash his hair before they left, but even with the delay, they left the Institute before the sun had risen. He helped her into the carriage he had hired, and she sat across from him. It stung a little that she did not sit next to him, but he brushed it away and handed her a book. She raised her eyebrows at him in question. “It’s a bit long of a journey, and this new volume came out that I thought you would enjoy.” 

She accepted the book and flipped quickly through the pages. She set it down next to her and looked out the window. Will forced himself to take a deep breath. She was allowed to be upset, and they would talk it through, but if she needed some time to be angry at him, that was okay. It was breaking his heart, but he would do whatever she needed him to do. Albeit the silence between them made him anxious, but he would gladly bear it if it was what she needed.

“We need to talk,” Tessa said suddenly, interrupting the silence. Will looked at her, and she met his eyes. He recognized the determined look on her face. He tried to keep his expression controlled and open and keep his heartbreak from showing. She watched him for a moment, he could see her reading him. He stayed quiet but held her gaze. He gave her a small smile and that seemed to be what she needed to continue. “And I am going first because you are far too wordy and I won’t be able to say what I want to say.” 

Will nodded. “Alright,” he said. 

“You threatened divorce last night,” she started, and Will swallowed. She paused and took a deep breath. “And I blamed you for things that were not your fault.”

Tessa took another deep breath, steadying herself. “Neither of those things is acceptable, and we of all people should have been better with communicating, but we both said things that I believe we didn’t mean. And I love you, William, but I need divorce to be taken off of the table when we argue unless it is a genuine suggestion you make. In that case, we take a breath and discuss things, but we do not yell at one another.”

“Or throw vases,” he added. 

Tessa gave him a small smile. “To be fair, I wasn’t throwing the vase at you personally. I was angry and you happened to walk through the door.”

“If only Lilian Pounceby had walked through instead,” he joked. 

Tessa paled. “Jem told you about yesterday,” she said, another short statement, another comment that she waited for him to confirm. 

“Yes,” he answered, and paused. “Why didn’t you tell me, Tess? Why did you keep your headaches a secret?”

“Because I was afraid you would be disappointed in me if we couldn’t conceive a child. You’re so good with Barbara and Charles. I couldn’t bear being the reason that you didn’t have a child of your own.” Tessa looked down at her hands. She took a deep breath, and he waited. A few years ago, when they had first gotten married, he would have filled the space with promises and reassurances, but he had grown since them. There was something she needed to say, and if he interrupted her now, he wasn’t sure she would say it, so he waited for her to gather up her courage. She looked out the window and took a few more deep breaths.

“I’m here, Tess,” he said. “For whatever you have to say. I’ll still be here.”

She watched him and took another breath. “What if the only way for you to have a child is to be with someone who is not me?” she asked, her voice unsteady. 

Will reached for her hand, and when she reached for him, he came to sit next to her, wrapping his arms around her. “Our child,” he said softly. “Not my child that you give me. Our child, Tess. Ours, that we raise together, that we teach to read and hold and love. I want our child.”

Tessa gave him a sad smile. “I likely can’t conceive a child, William. Or if I can, I likely won’t be able to maintain the pregnancy. I—” she took a shaky breath. “I do not believe that we will have a child of our own.”

“Then we adopt a child,” he answered. “Tess, I want a family with you, but not if it costs you this much. I want a child because I love _you_. I don’t love you because I wish to have a child. You are the light in my life, and I want our children—”

“Children?” she interrupted. “Will, I am not even sure we can have one child, let alone multiple.”

Will shook his head. “Who says we need to have a child by conventional means? Nothing about us is conventional, and the Clave will judge us for any move that we make. That doesn’t mean that we are entitled to less happiness than others.”

Tessa shook her head. “Our reputation matters when we are leading the London enclave.”

“Then let Gabriel run it. The Institute shouldn’t be the reason we don’t have a child.” 

“Who is in charge of the Institute while we are away? Did you leave Gabriel in charge?” Tessa asked, changing topics. 

“Bloody hell, no,” Will said with a smirk. “Gideon is coming from Idris to take over for the week.”

“The week?” Tessa asked. 

Will grinned. “We needed a vacation. We haven’t had a break for years.”

Tessa raised her eyebrows in question. “So where are we going?” 

“It’s a surprise,” Will answered. She frowned, and he continued before she could protest. “I’m being dramatic. Let me be dramatic. I haven’t been able to be dramatic since Charlotte convinced everyone I was a serious adult to be listened to.”

That got a laugh out of her and Will felt his heart fill. It hadn’t even been a week since he had last heard her laugh, but it felt like forever. He missed her, missed his wife. She was so strong and beautiful and brave, and he was angry at himself that he hadn’t seen her heart breaking until yesterday. 

“Will?” Tessa said, pulling him out of his thoughts. He met her eyes. “I love you,” she said. 

He held her closer to him. “I love you, Tess.” And he did, completely.

* * *

“Close your eyes,” Will said when the carriage stopped.

Tessa raised her eyebrow at him. “Will—” she started.

“You promised me you would let me be dramatic,” he said with a grin and she smiled back at him. “Close your eyes, Tess.”

“If I fall—” she threatened, closing her eyes. 

Will smiled and reached for her hand. “I won’t let you fall,” he promised. He pushed the door to the carriage open and helped her out. She stumbled, and he caught her. “See?” he said with a breathy laugh. “You didn’t fall!” 

She swatted at him but missed. “I wouldn’t have to worry about falling if you would let me open my eyes.”

He squeezed her hand and pressed a kiss to her cheek. The cold air had turned her cheeks and nose pink, and he pulled her in closer to him. He tipped the driver and guided Tessa up onto the porch of the cottage. He held her close to his body and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Open your eyes, Tess.” 

She did and blinked at him before looking around. They stood on the porch of a small cottage, just off the beach. The winter had dusted the rocks with frost and the sea waves crashed onto the beach. It was far too cold for a holiday here, but Tessa’s eyes lit up. “What is this?” she asked.

“It’s ours,” he said. “I— um, Gideon helped me with buying it and hiring builders, and Magnus did the warding, but it’s ours. I wanted us to have a place that was just ours, that we didn’t have to share with the enclave and society.”

“Oh, Will,” she said, and then she kissed him. He smiled against her lips and relished in the feeling of holding her in his arms. Her lips were soft and cold against his, the biting wind chilling them both. She laced her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and he felt chills through his whole body. His hands on her waist pulled her closer. She gasped for a breath and they stood there for a while, holding each other, foreheads pressed together, breathing in the other’s air. “I’m sorry I threw a vase at you,” she murmured eventually. 

He held her ever closer. “It’s a good thing I’m such a talented Shadowhunter,” he said. “Otherwise, you might have murdered me.”She laughed and Will wiped away the tears frozen on her cheeks. “What a sad obituary it would have been,” he continued to tease. “Man felled by his wife with a penchant for throwing vases at his head upon entry.”

“It wouldn’t have killed you,” she argued. “Maimed, maybe.” 

He smiled and pressed his lips to hers again. “Can I show you inside?” he asked. She nodded and moved away to open the door. She held onto his hand and followed him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will fucks Tessa against a bookcase because why not?

The inside of the little cottage was just as cozy as the outside looked. The walls had a pale blue striped pattern, the floors were dark, warm wood. It smelled homey, like something of citrus and the sea breeze. There was a fire going in the small parlor that warmed the home. Tessa glanced at him. “Is that the reason you have this ink stain?” 

Will blushed. “I was going to show this to you on our anniversary,” he explained. “I wanted to give you a home that you and I could escape to, one that we could decorate and love away from all of the politics and responsibilities. But I thought we needed it a little earlier, so I wrote to the staff and had them get everything ready for today. I—” he started and then stopped. “I love you so much, Tess,” he said, and she placed her hand on his cheek. “I love you, and every day, for the last three years, I have loved you more. I have no idea how it is possible, but I know that tomorrow I will love you more than I do today, and then more the day after that. You make me want to be better, to love you better, to do more, and I have gotten caught up in all of the politics and I didn’t realize how much your heart was breaking until yesterday, and for that, I am so deeply sorry, love.”

Tessa looked at him and waited for a moment to see if he had anything else to say before she started responding. “I love you more than I ever believed I could,” she started and he wouldn’t meet her eyes. She brushed his hair back from his face and stepped in closer to him. “William,” she said, and he looked at her. “You’re twenty-one, I am twenty. We are allowed to make mistakes and argue. I should have told you how I was feeling far sooner than today. I should have talked to you about it, and instead, I waited until the stress of it all boiled over. You do not need to apologize for information that you did not have. I love you. I will love every day that my heart beats.”

Will placed his hands on her hips and held her close. He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath before he said what he truly felt. “Jem would have seen your heartbreak,” he whispered, and he felt her still. He couldn’t open his eyes to see her reaction just yet. 

“I—” she started to argue, to console him, and then she stopped herself. “Tell me why you are saying that,” she said finally, and he opened his eyes to hers. He didn’t have the words yet to respond, so she filled in the silence between them. She took a deep breath. “Is this you missing Jem or jealousy that I love him as well as you or…?”

Will took a moment to collect his thoughts and Tessa touched his cheek. She had a million questions running through her mind. He could see every one in her eyes, but she didn’t ask any of them. Instead, she waited for him to say what he needed to. “Jem has always been how I measured goodness in the world. He always found kindness for others that I could never do. God,” Will said with a laugh. “He even loved that damn cat. He knew what to say to Sophie when she was angry. He knew when Charlotte was upset, but wouldn’t tell any of us. He—” Will’s voice shook. “He would have known that you were heartbroken and upset. He would have known months earlier.”

Tessa brushed a tear from his cheek. “You are not Jem,” she said and paused. “Would you begrudge me for traits that I don’t have that Jem does? You may not see the heartbreak in others as easily as he does, but William, you see potential in others that we miss. You make people strive to be better. Jem sees the weight of what a person is carrying and you see the brightness of them despite the weight that they carry. Jem was tortured as a child, William. He knows what great pain feels like, and he can see that pain in others. He saw that in you. You hid the good in yourself for years. You see the light that others carry, the way that you knew there was light in yourself despite the dark shadow of your past.” Will leaned in so that his forehead rested against hers, and she wrapped her arms around him. “I do not hold you to Jem’s strengths, the same that I would not hold him to yours. I love you both, with my whole heart, but it is not because you are the same people. I love either of you, with your own strengths and your own flaws. I love you, Will.” 

Will leaned in to press his lips carefully to hers, and she murmured against his mouth, “I love you.” Will kissed her fully then, his hands on her hips pulling her in tight to his body and his mouth pressing hers open with a gasp. Tessa took a step back, and he moved with her, like gravity, he was bound to her. He pressed her up against the bookcase in their small parlor. The fire was warm, but dying down, and it cast them both in amber light. Tessa gasped into his mouth, and he took the opportunity to kiss down her throat to her collarbone. “Will,” she moaned, as he left a bruise on her skin. “Take your shirt off,” she said. 

He blinked up at her. “We’re in the parlor,” he said. 

“I don’t care,” she answered. “We don’t have anyone to walk into us, and I don’t want to wait long enough to find the bedroom.”

He laughed and she bit her lip. “Mrs. Herondale,” he admonished teasingly with a smirk. 

She smiled at him and reached for the laces on her dress. “Take your clothes off, Mr. Herondale,” she said. He followed her orders and took off his jacket. They undressed themselves, but Will watched her expose every new inch of skin until they stood bare together, in the parlor. He reached for her, intending to pull her to the sofa, but she pulled him towards her instead. She reached for his cock, which was starting to get hard, and she kissed his neck. “I want you here,” she said, her breath against his skin.

He blinked at her and she tightened her hold on his cock slightly, just enough to make him gasp. “Tess,” he groaned, stepping in closer to her. She started a hickey just at the base of his neck and stroked him as he got hard. It was something that had always surprised her about sex with Will, the possessiveness that came out in her. She liked leaving marks, liked running her nails up his back as he was buried inside her, liked sucking on this spot that would be hidden by his shirt in public, but she could easily push his collar down to see it. Will grabbed onto her hips and she focused again on what she was doing. He pushed her back up against the bookcase, and when her body made contact, it startled her. 

He laughed at her startled look and kissed her nose. “I need you to not do that thing with your teeth on my neck or this will be over far too quickly.” 

She giggled and leaned up to kiss him. He met her lips with a smile and then a groan as she pulled his body tight to hers. “I love you so fucking much,” he said, as his hands started to wander. He kissed her deeply as his hand trailed up from her waist to her breast. She gasped, deepening the kiss and tangling her fingers in his hair. Her senses felt heightened, everything narrowed and focused down to her and Will and this fire between them. She loved the feeling of his hair between her fingers, of his hands kneading her breasts, of his cock brushing against her stomach. She reached for his hand and guided it between her legs. 

He caught on immediately and slipped a finger between her wet folds. She gasped, and he smiled through their kiss. Will pulled away, and Tessa tried to follow him, but he stopped her with a hand on her stomach. He smirked and kneeled down in front of her. “Oh,” she said. He grinned up at her and she pushed his hair back from his forehead. 

Will stroked her gently, just the slightest of pressure in all of the right places, just enough to make her sigh, but frustrating enough that she frowned at him. “You’re so wet already,” he said, and his fingers caught at her clit, rubbing fast. Tessa moaned and arched and shifted her hips against his hand. It only lasted a moment before he pulled away. She groaned in frustration. Will laughed. “I miss you like this,” he said softly. 

And she knew what he meant. They had been so focused on conceiving, on the mechanical, practical aspects of sex that they hadn’t had much of this, of the breathless and needy and passionate sex. It wasn’t that the sex hadn’t been enjoyable. Sex with Will was always amazing. But for them, it had become routine. She missed having him like this, with his devil-may-care grin and his skin just as flushed as hers felt. Will rubbed gentle circles on her stomach with his thumb as they took a moment to look at each other. “I love you,” she said finally, the words carrying the weight of everything they felt. 

Will echoed her, and then he grinned. He kept eye contact with her as he leaned in to press his mouth to her clit. He pressed a finger inside of her as he sucked at her clit, and Tessa’s eyes fluttered shut. “Will,” she murmured. He thrust his fingers in and out of her as he quickly brought her to her orgasm. She arched her back and tightened her fingers in his hair as she came, the muscles in her stomach quivering as he kept at her, holding her at the peak of her orgasm until she cried out for him. She reached for him as she came down, and he stood, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. They stood for a moment, foreheads pressed together, breathing each other’s air. She didn’t know who started the kiss, but Will pressed her back against the bookcase again, hooking her knee under his arm. 

Tessa giggled. It was quite lewd to be standing here like this, but all thoughts of impropriety fled as Will pushed into her. He groaned and she gasped. She was more than ready, but the intimacy of the moment made them pause. She ran her hand down to his stomach and she felt his muscles shaking there. “Fuck,” he swore. And then he started to move, slow and shallow. Usually, Tessa appreciated this. He wasn’t small, and even when she was completely ready for him, it still made her sore the next day. Today, though, she didn’t care. 

She whispered, “harder”, and he met her eyes. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. 

Tessa nodded. “Yes,” she said. “Please, Will. Don’t be gentle.”

He grinned and Tessa laughed, less from humor and more from sheer happiness. She loved him, and as silly as it sounded, she could feel that love through her whole body. Will didn’t let her laugh long. He pulled almost all the way out of her and then slammed back into her body. Tessa gasped, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, her fingers biting into his muscles. 

“Fuck,” she swore and his laugh filled her with warmth. He went hard and fast against her, and Tessa cried out. “Fuck, Will,” she moaned. He kissed her neck as she arched for him. He groaned, low and deep against her skin, and Tessa held him closer. 

Her muscles stretched for him as he pushed deeper into her. She loved the feel of his Shadowhunter strength, holding her to the bookcase and fucking her hard. She felt his muscles start to shake as he moaned her name. “Tess, my Tess,” he groaned, his teeth biting into the skin at the base of her neck.

Tessa cried out for him again. “Please, Will,” she said as she felt herself drawing closer to her orgasm. Will reached between them and rubbed her clit, just enough to push her up to that edge. She shifted her hips with him, finding a new rhythm. She heard Will swear again, but she could hardly concentrate. Her head fell back as her climax hit, her muscles shuddering and shaking around him. 

Will didn’t stop and her body was oversensitive as she came down for a moment. Every brush of his skin, every breath on her neck, burned like fire. Her nails bit into the skin on his back. She whispered little nonsenses into his ear. “Please, Will,” she said. “Come for me, Will.” Her voice was breathless and she wasn’t even sure it was words, but he pressed into her and cried out. 

She held onto him as he came deep inside of her. “My Will,” she murmured as she held him. 

He laughed and pulled out of her. “We are definitely doing that again,” he said breathlessly. She laughed at him. 

“I might need a minute,” she answered as he let her leg fall. She felt unsteady on her feet. “Maybe a few minutes.”

Will laughed again and kissed her. “Fuck, Tess,” he said. He stepped over to the sofa and pulled the blanket off the back. She stepped forward to follow him, and she winced. Will caught her flinch and frowned at her. 

“My back,” she explained. “It’s not bad—” she started but he already was turning her around. 

Then Will laughed. “I can see the imprint from the shelf,” he explained, and then he turned her back to face him again. “Does it hurt badly?”

She shook her head. “Just a little sore,” she answered. “Nothing a little rest can’t fix.”

Will pulled her in close. “I love you, Tess,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. 

She wrapped her arms around his waist and held him close. “Love you, Will,” she said with a smile. “So much.”

* * *

Six weeks later, Tessa stood on Blackfriars bridge with the cold air of January making her cheeks flushed. She was two weeks late to her normal meeting with Jem. She had stopped taking her concoction of fertility herbs, so her headaches had subsided, which had greatly improved her mood. She had gone to the Silent City a week ago to see Jem, but Brother Enoch had met her instead. 

_Zachariah is away helping a family in Paris._ He told Tessa. _Might I be of assistance instead_? 

She thought about it. She was here to ask if she was pregnant, as she did every month with Jem. It shouldn’t have mattered who told her, and all of the odds said it would be the same news she had heard thirty-six times before. But Tessa couldn’t shake the feeling that she needed to wait for Jem. 

“Thank you,” she said. “But I’d rather wait for Jem. Can you tell him I’d like to see him when he returns?”

_He is not at your beck and call, Tessa Herondale._ Enoch said, and Tessa felt as if she was a small child being scolded. She straightened her back, but before she could protest, Enoch sighed. _Very well. I will let Zachariah know that you would like to meet with him_. 

This morning, Tessa had received a message from Jem that he was back and could meet her that afternoon. She hadn’t told Will that she was meeting with him. Some feeling in her told her that she needed today to have a moment alone with Jem. Will hadn’t protested. Cecily had given birth to Anna and was bringing her to the Institute for the first time. Will was looking forward to spending the afternoon with his new niece and Tessa had assured him that she would be home before dinner. 

Tessa’s thoughts were interrupted by Jem’s voice beside her. 

_Hello, Tess_ , he said. 

She grinned at him. “Hi, Jem.” 

Jem leaned against the railing with her. _I trust that you and Will were able to talk through things_. 

Tessa blushed. “We were, with more or less talking.” And then she realized what she said. “Sorry,” she apologized. 

_It’s alright. I assumed as much_ , Jem reassured her. _I’m happy you settled your differences, that you two have each other. It brings light to my world to know that you are together_. 

“We miss you,” she said. 

_And I, you_ , Jem said. _But I believe we have another matter to discuss._

Tessa sighed and then she looked at him. “You’re happy,” she said. “I can feel it radiating off of you. What's made you so happy?”

She heard him laugh. _Because, Tessa, for the first time in three years, I get to tell you something different._

She frowned at him. “What do you— oh!” His words hit her. “Oh! You mean...?”

_You are with child,_ Jem confirmed. 

“Oh! Thank you!” She said as she threw her arms around him. Jem laughed again as he hugged her back. It wasn’t what Silent Brothers usually did. Generally, their patients did not hug them, but Jem was different. He would always be their Jem. 

_You’re about six weeks along_ , Jem said. _He’s healthy so far as I can tell_. 

Tessa held onto him tighter for a moment before she let him go. “Thank you, Jem,” she said again, and she felt the tears running down her cheeks. “Wait, he? It’s a boy?”

Jem nodded. _It’s a boy._

Tessa laughed through her tears. “I—” she started. “I don’t know what to say.”

_I never thought I’d see Tessa Gray speechless_ , he teased her. _I am so immeasurably happy for you, Tess. You and Will. You both deserve this joy_. 

Tessa smiled at him. “Do you want to come back to the Institute?” she asked. “We— you could tell Will with me. And Cecy is there too, with Anna. We could—” 

_I cannot_ , Jem cut her off and her smile faltered. _I would love nothing_ _more_ , he quickly clarified. _Bu_ _t there is an outbreak of scalding fever outside of Paris that I’m being asked to assist with._

“Enoch called you back,” she said, finally putting the pieces together. “I’m guessing that you weren’t supposed to come back this early.”

Jem nodded again. _He thought you might prefer to hear the news from me. Will has built up quite the reputation in the Silent City and Enoch is a bit exhausted with William summoning me for every small inconvenience. He knew that as soon as you found out, Will would be a nightmare until I returned._

Laughing, Tessa looked out over the river. “How long will you be in Paris?” she asked. “I can manage Will for a bit until you return.”

_Likely, less than a week,_ Jem answered. _I can see Will as soon as I return. You should return to the Institute, though. The clouds look as if they will snow for days_. 

Tessa hugged Jem one more time before they parted ways. She placed a hand over her stomach, over the small life she held. It wasn’t a guarantee. They didn’t know if she would be able to carry this child to term, but for now, she was with child. A healthy baby boy. She couldn’t have asked for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a minute to get how I wanted it and ended up being twice as long as I thought it would be, but I hope you like it. I might add a chapter of Tessa telling Will (and more smut), but no promises. Let me know what you think of this. Thanks for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> I was originally only going to have this story be one chapter, but it was already 4,000 words without the smut so that will come in the next chapter. Let me know what you think of this so far. :)


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